My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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