Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
