Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
