Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
