I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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