I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
