I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
