Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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