I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
