I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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