Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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