Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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