I just made out with a guy for $7.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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