Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
