ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
