This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
