operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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