I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
