im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
