Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
