You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
