I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
