Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
