We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
