I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
