hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize