I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
