I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
