You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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