I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
