we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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