when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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