Your face is a jimmy john
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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