1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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