WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
