i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
