just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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