I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
