I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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