Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
