honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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