dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
