Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
