This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
