We're facebook friends in real life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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