i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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