Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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