It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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