I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
