**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
babies were throwing up all over the place
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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