i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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