So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
