6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
