It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
