What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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