you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
