I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
