i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
