We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
