she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What drink are we having for lunch?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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