Nicole vs. Life
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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