I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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